Dumb Blonde Jokes

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, “I think we’re in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?”  

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, “I’ve got an idea. We’ll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours.”  

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, “Oh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose… they’ve pulled the ribbons off while they were playing.”  

“OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.   After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.  

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, “Oh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose… they’ve pulled their collars off while they were playing.”

“There’s got to be some way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.  

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, “I know! Why don’t you take the black one and I’ll take the white one!”

 

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”

“We don’t have any,” replied the first blonde.

“Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden.

“But officer,” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden. “Take all the debris you want.” And with that, he left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?”

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then…..” he sighed, “we’ll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, “Meow.” The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, “Woof.” The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She says in her sweetest voice, “Potato.”

There is a brunette and a blonde hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn’t let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the blonde starts clapping.

A blonde was driving down the highway when she read a sign saying, “Clean Restrooms Next 10 Miles.” She was really late for her appointment since there were 26 restrooms to clean.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.

What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

“Oh, look, Daddy … doughnut seeds.”

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?

“Look! They spelled MACY’S wrong.”

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who is the oldest?

The blonde, because she’s 18.

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Write “Please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper.

A woman explains to the doctor, “When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts.”
     The doctor just shakes his head and asks, “You’re a natural blonde, aren’t you?”
     The woman smiles and says, “Why, yes I am. How did you know?”
     The doctor replies, “Because your finger is broken.”

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right gear, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
      Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
      Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut another hole in the ice.
      Again the voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
      This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”
      The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that You, Lord?”
      The voice answered, “NO. IT’S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.”

 

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his pretty blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
      A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
      Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, ‘YOU’VE GOT MAIL’.”

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes about and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.” The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?”
        The shepherd, always the gentleman, replied, “Of course.”
        The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, “352.”
        This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably totally amazed and exclaimed, “You’re right. Okay. I will keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock.”
        The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful then the others.
        When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, “Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?”

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.  When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
     He drew a circle on the side of the road and  gruffly commanded the blonde “stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!”. He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
     When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said “Oh you think that’s funny? Watch this!” He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
     When he turns  and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He  gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
     Now she’s laughing. The  truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
     He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
     “What’s so funny?” the truck driver asked the blonde.
     She replied, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle!”

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said ‘DISNEYLAND LEFT’. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself, “Oh well!” and turned around and drove home.
     On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said ‘CLEAN RESTROOMS – 8 MILES’.   By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

     A blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she’s in serious financial trouble. She’s so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”
     Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays…”God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.” Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck.
     A blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she’s in serious financial trouble. She’s so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”
     Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays…”God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.” Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck.
     Once again, she prays…”My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”
     Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself:
     “Brandi, meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”     Once again, she prays…”My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”
     Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself:
     “Brandi, meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”

 

 

 

 Well, these jokes are my favorite.  I love Dumb Blonde Jokes. 

-Harry 8876

 

 

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